I think it would be good if you put some more funny stuff in it.. like the bram's shirt bit..
for instance.. when he goes to get his cigarettes the first time.. he could use one of those gun lighters? then when he gets out the real gun the guys are like "something tells me thats not a lighter" thats the first thing that comes into my head . a bit clich? really i suppose and i don't know if u want to stray that way.

I still don't get the ending really.. ok I get the politeness with the father and son.. the irony and stuff.. but "i never want to see you again" just doesn't end it in its right way I don't think.